Another linux zealot at my old job gave me the heads up on this, it’s directly from gnome-cups-manager, and I thought you would all enjoy it. If you’re not aware, the readme file is for a Gnome graphical front-end for a tool used to manage print queues and adding printers/etc.

The only question is what illicit substances were not consumed during the writing of this file.

gnome-cups-manager
——————

Once upon a time there was a printer who lived in the woods. He was a lonely printer, because nobody knew how to configure him. He hoped and hoped for someone to play with.

One day, the wind passed by the printer’s cottage. “Whoosh,” said the wind. The printer became excited. Maybe the wind would be his friend!

“Will you be my friend?” the printer asked.

“Whoosh,” said the wind.

“What does that mean?” asked the printer.

“Whoosh,” said the wind, and with that it was gone.

The printer was confused. He spent the rest of the day thinking and jamming paper (for that is what little printers do when they are confused).

The next day a storm came. The rain came pouring down, darkening the morning sky and destroying the printer’s garden. The little printer was upset. “Why are you being so mean to me?” he asked.

“Pitter Patter, Pitter Patter,” said the rain.

“Will you be my friend?” the printer asked shyly.

“Pitter Patter, Pitter Patter,” said the rain, and then it left and the sun came out.

The printer was sad. He spent the rest of the day inside, sobbing and blinking lights cryptically (for that is what little printers do when they are sad).

Then one day, a little girl stumbled into the printer’s clearing in the woods. The printer looked at this curious sight. He didn’t know what to think.

The little girl looked up at him. “Will you be my friend?” she asked.

“Yes,” said the printer.

“What is your name?” asked the little girl.

“HP 4100TN”, replied the printer.

“My name is gnome-cups-manager” said the little girl.

The printer was happy. He spent the rest of the day playing games and printing documents, for that is what little printers do when they are happy.

Other good readme files:

DV Rack, now Adobe OnLocation CS3.

You see, DV Rack has an internal Database that puts the clips here
and this Database bloody well expects them to still be here the next time it
comes around looking for them. Pay attention because this Database has a
personality much like the deity figure in some religions (say, Pan or Loki). It
is a singularly temperamental, unforgiving, and capricious Database Deity

Carmageddon II

Carmageddon was a violent game. We mean really very violent, the kind of stuff that made politicians and respectable people the world over choke on their high- fibre breakfasts, and denounce it as morally-bankrupt soul-poison.

Scriptomatic 2.0

Now, to be honest, we Microsoft Scripting Guys were never too concerned about being one-hit wonders; after all, you can’t be a one-hit wonder unless you first have a hit. We were sure nobody would ever hear of us, and somehow that seemed better than being remembered and then just as quickly forgotten. Remember baseball’s Joltin’ Joe Charboneau? Exactly.

And DAMN it’s been a long time since I’ve updated. I’m not forgetting about the site… just the new job has been taking quite a bit of time out of my leisure activities, this website being one of them. I made quick work of the dozens of spams that got through the filter and updated Wordpress.

Also another problem with working in the games business (especially Xbox 360 development) is that you can’t exactly run Linux all day long and expect to have a productive work environment. I’ve been running a mix of Windows Server 2003, 2008 and XP at home lately to reproduce some things that Microsoft could use some work on next time around.

In other news, I’ve picked up a pretty fantastic NAS device, a Synology DS108j. With an ARM 200MHz processor and gigabit ethernet, it’s fairly impressive. Topping it off with a 1TB Serial ATA hard drive and the fact that it runs a quasi-embedded version of Linux on it just makes it a fantastic product. It does feel a little sluggish at times, but otherwise I have no problems with it. I can plug in a USB drive and press a button to copy everything onto the network, and it also functions as a USB print server. The ajax-ified web interface is 100% class all the way around. Check it out on Newegg if you’re intrigued.

Last notes…. I should add a link on the front page to the contact form for problems with the site. What the hell is up with old posts getting dugg to hell and back? The 189 funny UNIX error messages article saw something around 40 thousand visitors in a 24 hour period last week… I’m glad that some of the people on digg finally enjoyed it.

*shrug*

Let’s hope that the next update isn’t so far out. In fact, I promise the next thing I write will be sooner rather than later.

Big news… really really big breaking news…

Starting today, I’m writing daily news blurbs for the Ars Technica Open Ended news-oriented journal about Linux and open source in general. I’ve been wanting to do something like this for quite some time, since the Ars name brings along with it some credibility and respect from the community.

I’m not stopping the presses, they’re just rolling somewhere else a little bit faster. I’m not going to stop posting articles here, and trust me – there are some things I’ve written about that Ars wouldn’t ever think of publishing in a million years… a quick search concludes that I’m not always the most politically correct blogger around – I don’t try to be someone I’m not, but just for Ars, I’ll try to clean up my act a little bit.

That said, there are a limited amount of hours for me to write, and I’ve wanted to be a part of something bigger – and I have achieved that goal. I hope you’ll congratulate me and follow to the new digs.

I kinda think they have a better web designer than myself.. right?

I’m getting a review unit from Good OS of the MyMiniPC later this week that I’ll have my girlfriend test out, and I’ll be writing about that experience on fsckin w/ linux… maybe we can hit the magical 1 million all-time visitors this month… we only have about 75,000 to go.

If you bookmark Opened Ended or subscribe to the OE RSS feed you’ll get everything I write, plus additional news from the other writer on Open Ended and all around cool guy, Ryan Paul.

There is a first time for everything. Like calling Microsoft on April Fools’ Day to help uninstall Linux.

I’d like to share what happened earlier today: I received a TTY Relay call. Relay calls happen all the time, but this one is special… I was RickRolled by someone who is deaf or mute. Perhaps they just called via relay as a joke. Anyway, it was seriously the highlight of my week, and I think it’s the first time someone has been RickRolled by TTY relay.

Here’s a rough transcript of how it happened, enjoy:

Cellphone rings… [weird 5-digit number calling]…I answer.

Me: Hello, this is Wayne.

Operator: This is relay operator 7852, I have a relay call for you. Have you ever received a relay call before?

Me: Yes I have, hello, go ahead.

Operator: Hello… I just watched your video about the Linux and the Rickroll, don’t ever make a stupid video like that again, I just wasted 10 minutes.  Go ahead.

Me: [Sigh] [Laughing really hard] ah ga oh man, you’ve made my day (happy tone) Go ahead.

Operator: Seriously, what a loser! Go ahead.

Me: [Laughing] Ohhhh man, you’ve made my day! Go ahead.

Operator: Ok but I just wanna tell you one more thing that I’m never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you, never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you. Go ahead.

Me: [Laughing] Ah that was really good, thank you.  Have a good day.  Go ahead. *hangs up*

Go ahead indeed! Well played, sir!  Edit:  The guy who did it was kind enough to contact me, and “SirGeek” sent along an email with the transcript as proof:

Hi. That were me. I attached an image for proof. Note that I really did love the video, I just wanted to see how far the operator would read off some insults before I got my ‘roll on So no harm intended.

I would have used my cellphone, but I couldn’t find the damn thing.

F**king brilliant.

Tags: Operator, Relay, Rickroll, Rickrolled, TTY, Youtube

Do you want to brag about being a co-worker with Linus Torvalds? Here’s your chance. I think I’ll toss my resume in the hat, just for giggles.

…it is probably going to take all night… I just HAD to try out COD4 after Yahtzee’s most excellent quote of being “a pretty excellent gun wank.” Sigh. I watched that review and immediately headed over to the WineHQ to check the status of the game, and it seems to play very well under Wine. I’d be able to write an article AND play an excellent gun wank at the same time, so that’d be a win-win. So I went ahead and purchased it immediately.

In the meantime, here’s a picture of my most recent “computer” upgrade… the most excellent Mirra Chair by Herman Miller. Since the ~24 hours after owning this chair most of my dull and nagging lower-back pain have completely disappeared.

I highly recommend the chair and there’s not much more I can say about the Mirra other than the fact that it’s marginally more comfortable than the Aeron I used 40 hours a week for 2 years when I worked for a company that spoiled all of it’s employees with Aeron-goodness during the DotCom Bubble. Also, the aesthetics of the non-mesh back appeal to me, which is a side-bonus. I don’t care if the chair looks like it’s 45 years old, and has sagging nockers that have been used to breastfeed a baker’s dozen of really, really thirsty babies, as long as it makes my back more comfortable, that is all that matters.
Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve gotta give Steve Ballmer and crew a pat on the back. The Microsoft acquisition offer for Yahoo is the most fantastic idea they have come up with since the release of Vista. Unfortunately, Microhoo is not going to topple the top player Google anytime soon in the online advertising world.

You can’t take Microsoft, add Yahoo juice and get something magically better. Microsoft and Yahoo have relatively poor search results when compared to Google. Combined, they also do not have anywhere near the online advertising inventory that Google has available. Google dominates the online office suite (at the moment) with Google Docs, which is what I think got Microsoft on their case.

According to the WSJ, Yahoo is going to reject the offer on Monday. I speculate that Microsoft would raise their offer to $40 a share, they’ll do anything to be second best.

I got an email from a professor today asking for some input on Java and Solaris… 15-20 minutes of my time is not asking much… but it seems like Sun is the type of guy who is offering some candy from the sliding door of a panel van…

We are inviting you to provide feedback and input by participating in this survey. We are offering a chance to win one of 4 American Express gift cards, each in the amount of US$50. We anticipate you allocating fifteen to twenty minutes to complete the relevant sections. The deadline for completion is February 5th.

Our objective is to better understand the following:

* What is your experience so far with Java and Solaris courses?
* What is your opinion of the books and other courseware available?
* Do you plan to work in a field using Java or Solaris after graduation?
* What do you know about professional certification?

http://bookdev.com/Sun/student_survey/

*shivers*

I’ve been running Vista for about a week – because Unreal Tournament 3 hasn’t released a Linux client yet. Don’t worry, you aren’t missing very much! Since there’s no Linux server either – you end up only a few popular windows-based servers that never fill up and are pretty boring… the game is great, no doubt… but with nobody to play with, what good is it?
I’d rather be playing Team Fortress 2, and since it runs in Wine… well – I don’t have much of a reason to keep running Vista, other than the fact that it was completely free (as in beer). I guess Microsoft can’t give away their operating system, since I’m going to perform a 7-pass-wipe to make sure I completely rid my computer of Vista.

So…. except for some sweet revenge there hasn’t been much to write about. Other than some content theft (par for the course when you’re a popular website) …

Long story short, some guy decided to steal my content and images, and I sent google a DMCA request to remove their advertisements from the page, they didn’t respond in a timely manner….. so I sent them a quick note that went something like this:

“Sup Google, thanks for the check this last week, I owe you one – stop by and check out my new tattoo, it’s badass personified. Oh yeah, also I faxed you a request about providing advertising for this jerk who is stealing my content – would you cut it out?”

Google replied something like this:

“If you would like to report a copyright infringement, please send us a properly formatted request.”

I replied,

“Don’t taze me bro! I already sent it to you.”

Google replied something like this:

“If you would like to report a copyright infringement, please send us a properly formatted request.”

So I figure the DMCA request is going nowhere fast, what is a guy to do? Enlist the help of his readers….

Not you guys!

I’ll enlist the help of the folks who just happen to be reading content that’s been stolen. I deleted my old image pointing to the entirely nasty HP Vectra slimline computer that runs my network (now running IPCop 1.4.18 to test out the latest release – trust me, it’s nothing special) and replaced it with a message to the readers of websites who steal my content.

And the thing that REALLY sucks… when searching for the name of the article, the website of the content theif shows up first. I guess it’s a bad case of Google’s algorithm for determining “duplicate content” and my website has been penalized… what a pain in the neck!

For your enjoyment… I’m not providing a hyperlink, since that would be kinda silly, but I bet you’ll enjoy this stuff.

http://linuxcult.blogspot.com/2007/11/seven-different-linuxbsd-firewalls.html

http://www.dralnux.com/2007/12/03/seven-different-linuxbsd-firewalls-reviewed

It doesn’t quite fit with their website theme… but ah well, what can I do?

Some maintenance around here was desperately needed… the site has been upgraded, so there may be some issues here and there. I’m aware of the dozens of articles that have no category.

If you see anything strange, use the brand spanking new Contact button on the left and scroll down, fill out the form, prove you’re a human, and by the miracle of technology, I will receive your message.

A couple of other changes are afoot. Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: And "Something" Is In The Pipe, Bad News, Contact Me, Fsckin Downtime

I’d like to share some interesting statistics with my readers, I know it’s not quite the end of the month, but after more than 220,000 page views from nearly 170,000 visitors, it’s pretty safe to say these numbers wont budge too much in the next few days, unless there is some freak super explosion of diggs, stumbles, deliciousness, reddits and maybe a slashdot or two.

The most intersting statistic to me, is the fact that damn near 80% of all visitors are using Firefox.  This includes all operating systems, which is pretty significant when you compare that to how many users are utilizing Windows.  This site attracts very technical readers, which would explain the awesome google-fu that some people are using to find this site.

I wish I had more IE users visiting to convert to Firefox…

Tags: Off-Topic