The only question is what illicit substances were not consumed during the writing of this file.

gnome-cups-manager
——————

Once upon a time there was a printer who lived in the woods. He was a lonely printer, because nobody knew how to configure him. He hoped and hoped for someone to play with.

One day, the wind passed by the printer’s cottage. “Whoosh,” said the wind. The printer became excited. Maybe the wind would be his friend!

“Will you be my friend?” the printer asked.

“Whoosh,” said the wind.

“What does that mean?” asked the printer.

“Whoosh,” said the wind, and with that it was gone.

The printer was confused. He spent the rest of the day thinking and jamming paper (for that is what little printers do when they are confused).

The next day a storm came. The rain came pouring down, darkening the morning sky and destroying the printer’s garden. The little printer was upset. “Why are you being so mean to me?” he asked.

“Pitter Patter, Pitter Patter,” said the rain.

“Will you be my friend?” the printer asked shyly.

“Pitter Patter, Pitter Patter,” said the rain, and then it left and the sun came out.

The printer was sad. He spent the rest of the day inside, sobbing and blinking lights cryptically (for that is what little printers do when they are sad).

Then one day, a little girl stumbled into the printer’s clearing in the woods. The printer looked at this curious sight. He didn’t know what to think.

The little girl looked up at him. “Will you be my friend?” she asked.

“Yes,” said the printer.

“What is your name?” asked the little girl.

“HP 4100TN”, replied the printer.

“My name is gnome-cups-manager” said the little girl.

The printer was happy. He spent the rest of the day playing games and printing documents, for that is what little printers do when they are happy.

Other good readme files:

DV Rack, now Adobe OnLocation CS3.

You see, DV Rack has an internal Database that puts the clips here
and this Database bloody well expects them to still be here the next time it
comes around looking for them. Pay attention because this Database has a
personality much like the deity figure in some religions (say, Pan or Loki). It
is a singularly temperamental, unforgiving, and capricious Database Deity

Carmageddon II

Carmageddon was a violent game. We mean really very violent, the kind of stuff that made politicians and respectable people the world over choke on their high- fibre breakfasts, and denounce it as morally-bankrupt soul-poison.

Scriptomatic 2.0

Now, to be honest, we Microsoft Scripting Guys were never too concerned about being one-hit wonders; after all, you can’t be a one-hit wonder unless you first have a hit. We were sure nobody would ever hear of us, and somehow that seemed better than being remembered and then just as quickly forgotten. Remember baseball’s Joltin’ Joe Charboneau? Exactly.

And DAMN it’s been a long time since I’ve updated. I’m not forgetting about the site… just the new job has been taking quite a bit of time out of my leisure activities, this website being one of them. I made quick work of the dozens of spams that got through the filter and updated WordPress.

Also another problem with working in the games business (especially Xbox 360 development) is that you can’t exactly run Linux all day long and expect to have a productive work environment. I’ve been running a mix of Windows Server 2003, 2008 and XP at home lately to reproduce some things that Microsoft could use some work on next time around.

In other news, I’ve picked up a pretty fantastic NAS device, a Synology DS108j. With an ARM 200MHz processor and gigabit ethernet, it’s fairly impressive. Topping it off with a 1TB Serial ATA hard drive and the fact that it runs a quasi-embedded version of Linux on it just makes it a fantastic product. It does feel a little sluggish at times, but otherwise I have no problems with it. I can plug in a USB drive and press a button to copy everything onto the network, and it also functions as a USB print server. The ajax-ified web interface is 100% class all the way around. Check it out on Newegg if you’re intrigued.

Last notes…. I should add a link on the front page to the contact form for problems with the site. What the hell is up with old posts getting dugg to hell and back? The 189 funny UNIX error messages article saw something around 40 thousand visitors in a 24 hour period last week… I’m glad that some of the people on digg finally enjoyed it.

*shrug*

Let’s hope that the next update isn’t so far out. In fact, I promise the next thing I write will be sooner rather than later.

From: michaell260@hotmail.com
To: wayne@fsckin.com
Date: Fri, May 23, 2008 at 6:22 PM
Subject: Software

Software up to 75% off retail.

Most of the major programs are to expensive for most of us to justify buying. Now you can. Your opportunity is here.

Operating Systems, Business Software, Internet Security Suites. If I don’t have it, I’ll get it. Tell me what program you need.

Here are some examples:

Vista Ultimate w/SP1 $95
QuickBooks Pro 2008 $70
Microsoft Office Professional $135
Adobe Acrobat 8 Standard $90
Rosetta Stone Spanish Level 1-2-3 for Mac/PC $90
Chief Architect Better Homes & Gardens $50
Macromedia Flash Pro v8.0 PC/Mac $125

These are just a few. Let me know the program you want.

Shipping is free.
Michael

Those are some fantastic deals! His claims of up to 75 percent off retail is amazingly quite accurate. If I were to buy a copy of each piece of software he is offering for a mere $655, I would have spent right about $2800. By shopping with Michael, I would have saved 76.6%.

The problem is, I didn’t want any of the software he was offering. He says in his email that if he doesn’t have it, he’ll get it. I’ve been needing to get a copy of Ubuntu 8.04 64-bit Server Edition, but haven’t quite got around to it yet, so I sent our new buddy Michael an email asking if he could provide a legal copy for me.

From: Wayne Richardson
To: “michaell260@hotmail.com”
Date: Fri, May 23, 2008 at 6:40 PM
Subject: Re: Software

Michael,

I’m not very technical so please bear with me. My technical support said I need several legal copies (very important they are legal because this is for my business) of Ubuntu 8.04 64-bit Server Edition.

Can you supply that? You have very good prices, so hopefully you can get me a good deal.

-Wayne

Strangely enough, I got a reply just a short while later!

From: Michael Leatherman
To: Wayne Richardson
Date: Fri, May 23, 2008 at 7:15 PM
Subject: RE: Software

I don’t have that in house so will have to go shopping. Get back to you soon.

In a short 15 minutes he found what I needed and helpfully provided a download location for me.

From: Michael Leatherman
To: Wayne Richardson
Date: Fri, May 23, 2008 at 7:31 PM
Subject: RE: Software

Yes, I can supply it and you are going to like the price. It is 100% legal.

http://releases.ubuntu.com/8.04/

It’s all yours.
Michael

Haha! I absolutely love playing the village idiot screwing around with folks… in other news, I’ve been extremely busy for the last few weeks. I’m moving 1500 miles to Texas for a new job. I’ll be the IT ninja for an amazingly kickass game developer in Austin.

Also, I got my Ubuntu 8.04 Desktop Edition CDs in the mail via ShipIt, they sent a nice, professional looking Cover, CD, and stickers for free, have a look:

The last bit of news I have is that fsckin w/ linux is going to see its 1 millionth unique visitor tomorrow today! As of this moment we’re right about 3,000 away, which is not much at all, should happen by about lunchtime. I was planning to throw a party in celebration, but unfortunately I’ll be finishing up packing instead of having a few beers with friends and family.

Ahh well. I’d rather have a new job than a silly party.

Thanks to everyone who has ever promoted my site in any way, whether it be a digg here, a comment there, or a link with a quick blurb — without you I’d never see a million visitors in a paltry 9 months. I’m absolutely astounded by how many opportunities fsckin w/ linux has given me on a professional and personal level. Thank you again, and have a few beers for me, alright?

I would like to thank the Academy….

-Wayne

I’d like to share what happened earlier today: I received a TTY Relay call. Relay calls happen all the time, but this one is special… I was RickRolled by someone who is deaf or mute. Perhaps they just called via relay as a joke. Anyway, it was seriously the highlight of my week, and I think it’s the first time someone has been RickRolled by TTY relay.

Here’s a rough transcript of how it happened, enjoy:

Cellphone rings… [weird 5-digit number calling]…I answer.

Me: Hello, this is Wayne.

Operator: This is relay operator 7852, I have a relay call for you. Have you ever received a relay call before?

Me: Yes I have, hello, go ahead.

Operator: Hello… I just watched your video about the Linux and the Rickroll, don’t ever make a stupid video like that again, I just wasted 10 minutes.  Go ahead.

Me: [Sigh] [Laughing really hard] ah ga oh man, you’ve made my day (happy tone) Go ahead.

Operator: Seriously, what a loser! Go ahead.

Me: [Laughing] Ohhhh man, you’ve made my day! Go ahead.

Operator: Ok but I just wanna tell you one more thing that I’m never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you, never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you. Go ahead.

Me: [Laughing] Ah that was really good, thank you.  Have a good day.  Go ahead. *hangs up*

Go ahead indeed! Well played, sir!  Edit:  The guy who did it was kind enough to contact me, and “SirGeek” sent along an email with the transcript as proof:

Hi. That were me. I attached an image for proof. Note that I really did love the video, I just wanted to see how far the operator would read off some insults before I got my ‘roll on So no harm intended.

I would have used my cellphone, but I couldn’t find the damn thing.

F**king brilliant.

C’mon guys – ditch the sweater-look-a-like bullshit already!

This guy decides he’s have enough of User Account Control in Vista, and takes it into his own hands.

This is what happens when you play Quake 3 with out dated video drivers. Do NOT attempt! This man is a trained professional.

This guy had a bad case of the “Mondays.” I can’t *quite* make it out, but I think the printer flashes “PC Load Letter” a couple times because of a bad print driver.

Pretty sure this guy adjusted the screen resolution too high and thought it was broken. Opps!

Three Words: Outlook Crashed Again

A really nasty case of spyware corrupted an Excel spreadsheet.

Internet Explorer Crashed.

I *think* he lost a document in Word, but I can’t tell, the viewing angle isnt’ terrific.

I’ve had enough!

Sometimes others who use Microsoft products on a daily basis will take out their frustrations on others. This target of redirected frustration fights back… with a vengeance.

This guy just lost all his contacts in Outlook. That’s a shame, his business contacts were in there too! Where is Elian!!!??

Windows crashed….again.

One too many BSODs.

I ca.c.c.cc…a.can’t quit.qui.qui.quite put my fi.fifififiFINGER on this one.

At the end, I almost thought he was going to drop a deuce and/or urinate on it… that would have been inappropriate.

Jesus saves… this guy didn’t – Obviously the poor guy got an Excel macro virus. Not pretty!

A wave of BSODs are sweeping your IT department… I rest easy at night knowing that most states make you wait 24 hours before obtaining a gun after you purchase it.

I bet this guys’ first thought was… “I hope I don’t loose my job.”

When it happens to Bill Gates it makes headlines… I personally still have my copy from April of 1997 Business Section of the newspaper with Bill plastered all over it, looking like a deer in headlights.

Young kids getting a taste of what is going to haunt them later in life.t

Oh.. Macs have problems too.

If you haven’t seen this one, you are missing out, my friend. Perhaps you may consider entering the contest to win MY copy of Unreal Tournament. I just hope none of you get THIS angry over a video game.

Oh yeah.. I couldn’t forget this one, it’s quite possibly the first time a printer pummeling has ever been on the silver screen.

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You’d probably expect to pay over $199 for a single upgrade from Microsoft, but we wont nickel and dime you to death – pay nothing – EVER!

But wait! Try out Linux today, and we’ll cut 100% off the asking price, and give away free installation CDs of the most user-friendly distribution of Linux around – Ubuntu – sent right to your home!

And if that weren’t enough, there are over 100 other distributions of Linux you can also use, 100% free to you, guaranteed! All you need is an internet connection!

And if you aren’t satisfied, you can try Linux risk-free for an average of 24,464 days – THAT’S 67 YEARS, INCLUDING 16 LEAP YEAR DAYS – our gift to you.

And there’s more: We’re so confident you’ll enjoy Linux, I will personally write you a check for double your money back if you aren’t satisfied!

For one easy payment of zero dollars and zero cents, Linux can be yours today! Don’t wait, download it now!

The picture of the woman giving food to the boy is pretty hilarious stock photography by itself… it’s definitely good for a “write a caption for this picture” contest.

Boy: An entire leg of lamb! *Supastar*

If you’d like to see for yourself, just click through the image which is linked to the webpage I found it on.

1. Ubuntu is hiring someone who doesn’t speak Klingon. I guess they already have enough employees who are fluent in the language.

   

2. Shuttleworth filed a bug about some problem with market share for Ubuntu verses other competetors.
3. Microsoft is such a pane in the glass!
   
4. Catch Spelling Mistakes on the Fli… erro
   

Got any more? Feel free to share.

This article is 99.7% joke. (0.3% standard deviation)

1. “First, insert the Ubuntu Gutsy Gibbon 7.10 CD into your cup holder.”

2. “Press the power button on your computer, and hold it until it shuts off.”

3. “Good. Now press the power button again.”

4. “We’re going to see some white on black text fly by, please don’t read it to me.”

5. “Let me know when you’ve got a screen that says Ubuntu in brown and orange.”

6. “Ok, press the ‘Enter’ key.”

7. “Ok, double click on the Install icon on the desktop. It’s on the left part of the screen. Near the top. Other left.”

8. “You’ll see a screen with some information on it. Please don’t read it to me. Ok, I needed to hear it again.”

9. “Thanks for reading that screen of information you will never retain, and proceed to press the Forward button.”

10. “Ok I don’t want to confuse you with different options, so just click the picture until it says your city or state capital. If you can’t get it, just get close enough that if a nuclear explosion went off in the city you have selected, you would likely die from the fallout.”

11. “Press Forward.”

12. “Behind option number 2 is hope that I don’t have to explain this page to you. Select ‘Guided – use entire disk,’ and press Forward.”

13. “Ok, here’s the fun part. Type in your first name into both of the first two boxes. No, not last name.”

14. “Whew, ok now just type in your password into next two boxes, where it says “Choose a password to keep your account safe.”

15. “What does your computer say on the front of it? Viewsonic, eh? Type that into the box where is says ‘What is the name of this computer?’”

16. Do NOT read this screen to me. I already know what it says. Instead, press Install.

17. “You’ll see a bar slowly crawling across the screen, like a caterpillar or crawdad.”

18. “Let me know when the bar is filled up.”

19. Waiting….. …… ……

20. “OK, now press ‘Restart Now’ ”

21. Congratulations Grandpa, you can use this new fangled Linux thing the 5 and 6 year old grandkids were talking about.